Open Your Heart

burning heart on hands.It is never an open heart that hurts. It is always a closed one.

It is when we meet someone whose heart is closed us to us and we in turn close ours, that it hurts.

It is when we close our hearts to the world because love is taken away from us, that suffering begins.

Keeping our heart open is never painful. Closing it always is.

With practice we can learn to keep our heart open even when we experience loss or meet someone whose heart is closed to us.

It is when we choose love instead of fear that our situation will transform, our suffering will end and miracles will occur naturally as expressions of love.

A miracle is merely the translation of denial into truth. 

Because only love is real.

(This post is largely inspired by the works of Marianne Williamson. Direct quotes from A Course in Miracles in italics).

Trust No One!

FriendsJumpingOnBeachInSunset

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who said he had a hard time trusting people, and that he trusted less than five people in his life. To my surprise, my response to that was that as long as he trusted himself one hundred percent, there is no need to trust anyone else. What? Did I say that? I’m pretty sure I did not know that a minute ago.

But it’s true! Here’s why:

As a species we notoriously trust other people, places and things to be the sources of our happiness. A trust that may be lost in an instant through betrayal, inadequacy, different priorities, theft, misunderstandings, poor judgment, bad luck, intoxication, better options, and… What not?

When we place our trust in others we also place our happiness where it has no place. Our happiness can only be found within ourselves, not in other people, places or things. No matter how trustworthy you may deem them to be or how eager they may seem for the job.

Trusting others is giving them a responsibility they should never have. Trust me (pun intended) this is not coming from a place of having suffered countless disappointments which as a result has led me to the conclusion that people generally suck and cannot be trusted. This is coming from the realization that to entrust anyone else with the responsibility for my happiness is to assign them a job that they are not qualified for.

So why do we feel the need to trust others? What conditions need to be met for trust to be necessary, meaningful and of value? As I see it two conditions need to be met:

  • What you are trusting the other person to do, or not do, needs to mean something to you. Trusting your significant other to only wear red socks on Mondays will probably not mean a lot to you, but trusting them to be faithful probably will.

and

  • You must believe that the entrusted person has a willingness, or at least propensity, to act contrary to your wish. If they indeed have a wish to act in this way, is actually not very important. It is your belief in their inclination to act contrary to you wish that determines the degree of trust that is needed. Trusting your vegan spouse to not eat the bacon you put aside probably does not require a high degree of trust. Trusting the same person to not get messy with his hot co-worker may require more trust.

Trust is therefore a way to control others to behave in a certain way. –I need for you to behave in this and that way, otherwise I will be hurt and unhappy. Regardless of what the other person really wants to do in the given moment. Trusting someone instantly creates a contract where they need to act within certain limits to gain and remain deserving of your trust. And it goes both ways. When someone trusts you, they simultaneously place you under an obligation to fulfill a behavioral commitment to them. Otherwise you will lose the trust.

Twin argumentAnd we all know how difficult, if not impossible it is to regain trust in someone if it has been lost once. Or God forbid, twice.

I had never thought of trust between people in this way before. What used to be something noble and good, now seems like unhealthy clinging to a certain image of how you want this person to be. Often with complete disregard to what they actually would want for themselves.

I now believe that the answer to this endless tit-for-tat tyranny of trying to control other people’s behavior by instilling our trust is them, is to take trusting others out of the equation altogether.

Groundbreaking, isn’t it?

By removing the need to trust others we set the tone for an interaction that is totally free of all bondage and need for control. We set them free. I have also realized that trust and unconditional love cannot possibly coexist. They are an impossible combination.

If you trust someone you love, you have placed conditions on your relationship and it is therefore no longer unconditional. If they break your trust, then you withdraw your love. Consequently, if you love someone unconditionally the need to trust them is utterly meaningless because the love you feel for them is not dependent on their actions. It is only by abandoning all need to trust others that we can really love them as they are. We can allow them to be free of our judgment, and if it is mutual we also get to be exactly who we want to be in any given moment. That is unconditional love. That is freedom.

Climbing team on the summit.This is not because I see myself as a separate entity from other people, and therefore want as few obligations to them as possible. Quite the contrary! It is because I believe that we all are one, we are all spiritually connected but by instilling trust in others we try to create a physical manifestation of the bond we already share. Trusting others in this mindset then becomes meaningless.

But what about trusting your doctor or your bank? Or your politicians? (Sorry, that was a joke). Shouldn’t we still be putting our trust in them? After all it is our hard-earned money and our precious health we are talking about. Even here I don’t think you should let bankers, doctors or anyone else define your happiness. By all means, take precautions and seek out professionals who seem honest, well-intended and in integrity. But nonetheless you should not be putting your happiness in their hands either. Even the most immaculate doctor makes mistakes sometimes, no matter how much you trust her. Trust that you to the best of your abilities have chosen the right doctor and then place your trust in yourself to be able to tackle any situation that may follow. This is how we lose our attachment to the outcome of a situation and claim our absolute power over our lives.

I realize that it may seem that I am now against all forms of trust, but that is not what I mean.

I believe you should strive to trust yourself completely to always do your best and to act in integrity in a way that your actions lead to the highest possible outcome for everyone involved.

I believe you should trust that everything always is well, and that things are exactly as they need to be for your greater good in every moment of every day.

I believe you should trust the Universe, God, your higher power, pure positive energy, The Force or whatever you believe in to always have your back.

You are not supposed to trust other people.

You are supposed to love them.

Just as they are. And then trust that that is enough.

Know Your Worth!

Hands and the Rising Sun

I read once that we are willing to take as much abuse from others as we abuse ourselves. It is only when someone start treating us worse than we treat ourselves that we leave. Never before.

Now think about someone you know who lives in an abusive situation and apply this rule to them. Frightening, isn’t it?

The sad truth is that we are not just willing to let others mistreat us to the level we mistreat ourselves, anything else will in fact feel uncomfortable and in some cases intolerable to us. Yeah, that’s right. Someone seeing us as better than we see ourselves or treating us with more kindness than we deem ourselves worthy of will feel unbearable. And so we make a run for it. Back to our self-certified misery.

Has anyone ever told you: “You are too good for them”? A well meaning phrase originally intended to comfort the heartbroken may in fact be truer than you ever imagined.

All in all it is about vibration and how highly we think of ourselves. If we vibrate self-love, true confidence (NOT arrogance!) and joy it is impossible to bring people of lower vibrational energies into our lives.

Start changing the way you view and value yourself, and the people in your life will re-group themselves to match you. Guaranteed.

Today I read this quote:

When you learn how much you’re worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts.

That’s right! Sale is over.

K

Universal Attraction

WomanGreetingTheSun

What if you could be, do and have everything you ever wanted? Live in an enormous mansion with your own personal butler and a gorgeously stunning dream partner who matches and contrasts you in every perfect way possible. Of course with an endless supply of money and harmonious relationships with everyone in your life, including your family, colleagues and even government.

Sounds pretty swell, doesn’t it? But as we all know, nobody has perfect lives like that!  Or do they? I’m sure we can all agree on one thing: Some people have happier lives than most. Many have pretty shitty lives. And the rest of us fall somewhere in between, also known as mediocrity. But let’s not talk about mediocre things. That’s boring. Let’s look at those people who have it all. Why are some more fortunate than the rest? Luck? Fate? Hard work? Karma? Intellect?

Key of successI believe that their secret exclusively lies in consciously, or more likely unconsciously, wielding the Law of Attraction to their benefit.

The Law of Attraction has been known in more alternative circles for a very long time. It only really hit mainstream awareness in 2006 through the heavily marketed film and book named The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

So what is the Law of Attraction? The Law of Attraction says that like attracts like, or that that which is like unto itself, is drawn. In practical terms this means that the thoughts you think draw the essence of them into your physical experience. In other words: If you think negative thoughts the universe with all its power will send matching negative experiences into your life. And vice versa: If you think thoughts of abundance and happiness, then the whole universe will conspire to bring just this into your life.

To most people this sounds a little too good to be true. Come on!! If it were that simple, everyone would be millionaires! Well, let me ask you: How problem oriented are your thoughts on average? How often do you focus on limitations instead of possibilities? Start observing your thoughts during a day. How many of them are truly magical? And how many of them are focused on dealing with everyday boring stuff? I am guessing it is a little bit of everything. Which probably also describes most people’s lives: A little bit of misery, a little bit of ecstasy and lots and lots of plain mediocrity called everyday life. Am I right? Unfortunately, this law is only attracting and not repulsing. It doesn’t matter if you want something or not. Whatever you give your attention to is what you’re getting (or rather perpetuating) whether it be a terrible love life or a duller than dull job. Moaning about nothing ever changing or getting better? Well, tadaaaa: Nothing ever changing or getting better is what you are attracting more of.

I have been fascinated by the concept of the Law of Attraction since I “coincidentally” stumbled across The Secret in a bookstore in Trondheim several years back. The idea sounded fantastic but somehow I wasn’t able to put this magic into practice. This did not change until December last year when I in a similar fashion “coincidentally” stumbled across a book by Esther and Jerry Hicks about Abraham. Finally I discovered tools to start taming this incredible force that sounds all too good to be true for an educated and rational mind.

Figure emerges from lightNine months have passed since I discovered Abraham in that bookstore. After nine months of learning to apply the principles of the Law of Attraction into my life, I have absolutely no doubt that I through my thoughts am the sole creator of this life experience. I use quotation marks around coincidentally in the paragraph above because I honestly do not believe in coincidences anymore. I attracted those books into my experience, because absolutely nothing can enter my life without me consciously or unconsciously inviting it in through the thoughts I think. If I think high vibrational, happy thoughts I am creating good things for myself. If I on the other hand am thinking pessimistic, negative thoughts that is what I am getting. I therefore take the full and complete responsibility for everything in my life. Both the good and the bad. And this feels great!

But does this mean that everyone who are going through hard times, experiencing hellish situations and generally are suffering are responsible for this themselves? Yes, indeed! Absolutely 100%!

No one is however suggesting that anyone has created their misery purposely. It is a matter of not being aware of the incredible power of thought, simply because this has never been taught to us. So although this might be a little bit (or actually a lot) in your face this really should be excellent news to everyone. If you are responsible for your own misery, this also means that you, and you alone can turn this around. A 180 degrees pivot to something you actually want.

For the smart people out there I am sure some of you are wondering: What about children being molested? What about people being born in war torn areas and in immense poverty? This is all explained consistently if you are interested to look into it further. I have personally not found anything here that has not made perfect sense to me. And I don’t see myself as neither delusional nor particularly easy to fool.

Deliberately selecting your thoughts can be a real challenge, especially to begin with. Going from a mindset where you believe that your own and other people’s actions create your life to one where your thoughts are the forerunners to everything is not done overnight. Let me just clarify, you need to think consistent thoughts in order to deliberately create your own reality. Any doubts, fears of this not manifesting etc will work against you. Faith and positive expectations are crucial components, even before you see any physical evidence of your dream manifesting. In case anyone is wondering, I have not received my millions just yet (but I’m sure they’ll come). It is however an incredibly fun, exciting and rewarding process where you slowly but surely start seeing results of the shift.

Driving on an empty road towards the setting sunSo who is Abraham? I think I will save introducing Abraham for another post. To quote Oprah, herself a fan, not everyone is ready to take in all that Abraham is. I will however warmly recommend the curious ones of you to go searching, Abraham should not be too hard to find.

But I must warn you: This is like taking that red pill in The Matrix.

You cannot go back to not knowing once you have started to grasp the incredible power of the Law of Attraction. But unlike The Matrix, the reality you wake up to is not at all cold and hostile. It is amazingly wonderful.

I have found that the Law of Attraction is like the Law of Gravity: Accurate, predictable and completely non-discriminatory. Whether you choose to believe in gravity or whether you are a nice person or not is irrelevant. Everyone who  jumps off a building on Planet Earth will fall down. Every time. No exceptions! Similarly, whether you choose to believe in attraction or not, every worrying, happy, fearful and loving thought is creating and will continue to create your reality. Whether you believe in it or not. I am not here to talk anyone into believing in this because you are the only person who could and should decide in your life. But if I through this post has made someone a little bit curious to go searching for their own truths, then that’s great. We must all find our own path. In our own way and in our own time.

Attracting You,

Kristian

Unconditionally Yours

HeartPinkCloud

Unconditional love. A beautiful concept, but what does it really mean?

It is really very simple: It means to love someone or something completely and utterly, regardless of how the beloved party acts, behaves, responds or otherwise treats you back.

This can be fairly easy to do towards recipients that are easy to love like a cat, a cupcake or a small child. The real test for most lies in unconditionally loving adult human beings, ourselves included, being that no one among us ever will be perfect in every way thinkable to us.

The ultimate challenge is to love one’s romantic partner unconditionally, especially in a society where separating is always a viable option. Many would claim to love their partner unconditionally but how many really, really mean it? How many will keep loving their partner after having been betrayed in the worst thinkable way? If you are not willing to forgive any action from your partner, then (I’m sorry to break it to you) your love for your partner is based on one or countless conditions, and is therefore not unconditional.

“Until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is”Marianne Williamson.

Marianne Williamson sums it up beautifully here, I think. Every single person we meet is going to have sides that we are not too crazy about (or darkness, if you will) if we knew about them. Loving someone regardless of their dark sides is what I call unconditional love.

But doesn’t this mean that we would settle for less? Doesn’t this condone unacceptable behaviour? Wouldn’t forgiving betrayal set a poor standard for similar escapades in the future?

It could and it probably would if we were forgiving from a place of fear. Fear of not deserving a faithful partner, fear of being alone and fear of being abandoned. I am however not talking about forgiving someone for fear of these things. Forgiveness must come from a place of love, and more specifically love for yourself. You don’t forgive because someone else deserves it, you forgive because you deserve to be free of whatever was done to you.

LavenderFieldPinkSkyIt may sound paradoxical but loving unconditionally is the ultimate empowerment in the romantic department. Why? Because the other person has no power over your feelings for them. That power lies in you. You are the one who decides who and when to love. And when not to love. No one but you can and should be responsible for your happiness. When we humans realize that the complete power to decide our reactions rests within each and every one of us, that is when we find true freedom to be who we really are.

As a species we are diligently trained to react in very specific ways to a lot of specific things. And deviations from society’s norms are sadly not regarded as a sign of strength. If I hit you, then you should hit me back. Or at least yell, get pretty angry or possibly send someone in your place to reciprocate. If I say something nice to you, you are supposed to swell with joy or else you are arrogant. Who is really in charge in these situations? Well, it is certainly not you. I say, take your power back! Only when you decide if and how you want to react to other people and stop depending on default programming, only then will you be free of other people’s power over you.

To my future partner I want to say the following: My happiness does not depend on you, so you’re off the hook. I can never be happy because of you, but I will love to be happy together with you. Although I may not love what you are doing every moment of our time together, I will always try to see you as who you really are – not as you are in this moment. Quite frankly, I love you so much I don’t care what you think.

Terms and conditions do not apply.

Unconditionally Yours,

Kristian

Lose your mind!

ManInCropFieldInSunshine

I wish more people would lose their mind. Not in the traditional way of going insane, but as a way of escaping the ever-present background noise that the mind keeps filling most people’s heads with on a non-stop basis.

-Wonder if I’ll make rent in six months? -What did she really mean by that? -Do I look skinny in these jeans? -OMG. That’s ugly! -She probably meant that I’m not good enough. -What happens if I lose my job? -Why don’t banana sweets taste like real bananas? -What DID she really mean by that? -He is so pathetic!!! -I’m not good enough for that. -My boyfriend doesn’t take me seriously. -Because if he did he would do that and not this. -What did she REALLY mean by that? -Probably nothing good, anyways! 

Well, you get the picture.

We are all receivers of this endless stream of thoughts that go through our minds in most of our waking moments. When was the last time you can remember being awake and not thinking about something? Some may wonder if it is even possible? By all means, thinking can be a lovely pastime if you’re daydreaming about something nice. But it can be far less pleasurable if the thoughts that keep running through your head are worrying, frightening and upsetting. The trouble is that most of us are not able to consciously select our thoughts but are rather victims of whatever the mind decides to throw at us. And the mind often does this as a default response to outside events over which we have no control.

So what is the mind? Is it who you are? Is it your soul and your spirit? Is it your identity? Not at all!! Far from it, actually!

Albert Einstein once said: The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. (In this context I speak of the “mind” as only what Einstein calls the “rational mind”. I don’t regard the intuitive mind as a part of the mind at all). I think that Einstein sums it up wonderfully here: the mind is but a servant that humans are equipped with to use as a tool to solve cognitive challenges. However, in most people this servant has taken over its master and is now running the show with so much nonsense bulls**t and with such clamour that the sacred intuition is more or less drowned in its noise.

Glow of the mindYour mind and the thoughts that accompany it are not who you really are. The thoughts you keep thinking turn into beliefs that to many create their identity as they know it. But again, beliefs are just thoughts you keep thinking. And if you stop thinking that thought, that belief will dissolve. Then who are you really?

So how is it possible to make this never-ending stream of thoughts stop? Can it be done? It is relatively easy to do this in short moments. Whenever you stop and completely take in the present moment, whether it be a beautiful view, a tasteful treat, a kiss from a lover or just by studying the shape of your finger, there are probably no thoughts in your head. If you are completely focused in the here and now it is impossible to have an active thought. And vice versa: Whenever you have an active thought it is impossible to be completely present.

German author Eckhart Tolle describes this concept of the mind thoroughly in his bestselling book The Power of Now. I think Tolle goes a bit too hardcore for my liking in advocating using the mind solely for practical purposes, leaving the rest of the time to live exclusively in the now. His concepts are however definitely helpful to anyone with a desire to tame the rampant mind that exists in most people’s heads. If you can control your mind there is no reason to worry, judge or even fear. Yeah, that’s right. By taming your mind you can more or less eliminate fear from your daily life. Think about it, what do you fear that is present or imminent here and now? Unless you are seated in a car speeding at a 150 km/h with no breaks or a madman is pointing a gun to your head while you are reading this, I am guessing that all of your fears are somewhere in an imagined future. And the projected future of the mind is actually nothing more than fiction in the present moment. So is it sensible to miss out on here and now because you are fearing something dreadful that will probably not happen anyway at some point in the future?

Taming the mind and putting it in its place in a lasting way is not something that is done overnight. After all, most of us have been taught to think like this through our whole lives by others who also were taught the same thing through their whole lives. However, the benefits of striving to regard the mind as merely an obedient tool are immense. Our thoughts can be extremely powerful, and when used right thoughts can create a life that will blow your mind. Literally. True happiness is never found in other people and objects. Happiness is found in how you view these people and objects. Among other places.

LavenderFieldSunset

Many might worry what happens when the familiar chattering of the mind stops. Silence? Emptiness? Not at all. In the absence of the steady stream of thoughts that most of us are used to you will find inner peace, freedom, emotional ease, well-being and most of all love. You can discover a connectedness to deeper levels of yourself, your intuition or to something far bigger than yourself, depending on what you choose to believe in.

There are several paths to releasing the grip of the mind and taking your power back, and I think that the most effective gateway is through meditation. In my next post I will share my experience with meditation, and again there are countless approaches to this. Each must find his own way.

Mindlessly Yours,

Kristian

The end of an era

Maya prophecy

December 21, 2012 has come and is soon gone without any sign of armageddon thus far. Seriously, did anyone really expect cataclysmic events of biblical proportions to unfold because the Mayan calendar had to end at some point and that point was now. Our calendar ends every year in Champagne-fueled disasters that for some may make January 1 feel like doomsday, but every year the world moves on more or less as we know it. Thank God.

I do not however think that the end of the Mayan calendar is an omen completely without its significance.

“The world is changed, I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air” -marks the opening of the Lord of the Rings-trilogy. Maybe our world has not changed dramatically yet but I do feel (or rather hope) that we are standing on the threshold of great changes.

Anyone who has the ability to be honest and to think a thought through to its conclusion must see that humanity cannot and will not go on forever on the track we are now on. It just doesn’t add up. Sooner or later we will cause our own downfall and extinction unless the world of man changes. Dramatically. We cannot go on hurting, molesting, killing, robbing, torturing and hating one another. This happens on all levels of human relationships and it is rampant. From bullying in primary schools, cheating on one’s spouse, pocketing what isn’t rightfully ours and mundane raping and pillaging, up to the global political scene where nations are at war with each other creating disasters affecting millions upon millions. Not to mention what we are doing to our home, the only planet we have access to in the foreseeable future. Earth can be a gloomy place indeed, and to far too many their life experience here is an existence that falls nothing short of descriptions of hell found in the scriptures.

YogaWomanTreesSo how is the world changing? I believe that humanity is slowly but surely waking up to a mindset that is completely different from what we have seen in all of our years up till now. This change has been described as entering the age of aquarius or as the awakening that many are experiencing through the New Age or New Thought movements that are attracting new followers in all corners of the world every day.

These movements may sound like hippie-mumbo-jumbo to many. I mean, floating around believing that love is the answer to every problem, that your thoughts create your reality, that there are no coincidences and that everything actually could and should be well. What’s that about? I mean, shouldn’t these annoyingly harmonious people just wake up, smell the stale coffee stench and take the world for what it is? A harsh reality where you need to stand your ground and fight to get the life that you want? Or perish in the attempt, like good people have been doing for millennia already?

I don’t have the answers or truths for anyone but myself. But I am grateful that life has shown me a path where I have the opportunity to more and more choose how I want to view the world. And that I am able to and willing to question the so-called truths that we take for granted in life. If you hit me, do I have to hit back? If you do something hurtful to me, do I actually have to get hurt? If you betray me, do I have to get angry or upset? If I love you and you don’t love me back, do I have to feel sad?

To me, this is what the end of an era is all about. It doesn’t really matter whether the Mayans actually were predicting this shift in human consciousness or just coincidentally got bored of writing the calendar at this particular point in time. The world is slowly changing, with more and more people leaving the chains of dogmatic religion, and destructive and codependent mindsets to embrace ways of thinking, living and loving that do not limit themselves or others. New people are added every day. Until the 100th monkey effect takes care of the rest and makes the change inevitable. Well, or that’s the master plan. More or less. The old ways may have served us well in getting us out from the caves to where we are now. But now I believe we are ready to take our existence to the next level: Introducing Humanity 2.0.

This slow transition is  the significance I see for the new era that we are entering.

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas!

Spiritually Yours,

Kristian